New York State of Mind
by gargz
Summary: series of Drabbles that take place after Goodbye. Rachel's life in New York as Finn comes in and out and doesn't ever really leave. Finchel
1. Chapter 1

_warning: These drabbles will include Brody, it techniqually part of Canon so I can't completely omit him. But it is Finchel! Takes place before the first episode. Bare with me and the Brochel in the first chapters okay?_

_—-_

She's adjusting fine to being in New York on her own, that's not to say she hasn't had any freak outs because she has and she did. The first time Kurt comes to visit she all but pins him to the ground, through tears and laughter she's able to tell him how happy she is to see him and how much she missed him.

Classes are hard and the teachers are tougher but she thrives on being challenged. She meets Macy who lives on her floor a couple doors down and they instantly start up a friendship. It's all new to her and she's surprised how easy it is to be friends with people who are all chasing after the same dream.

She's proud of herself, aside from the first week, she hasn't cried about Finn since. It's hard because everything about New York reminds her of him. When she see's two people walking hand in hand down the street she smiles sadly missing the feeling of his large hands in her delicate ones, when she walks through Central Park she's conscious of the fact that she always deliberately avoids having to walk over Bow Bridge but she can't not walk by it, just to look. And when she walks through the city and sees apartments for sale she can't help but imagine what her and Finn's would've looked like. She goes through their check list in her head, the things she and Finn would look for in an apartment. Somewhere close to Broadway where Rachel will be working, far away from any sketchy neighborhoods but close to where there's families and kids playing ball hockey in the street.

She tries to not think about that or him, she wants to live in the moment like Kurt suggested. She's proud of herself, because other than a few moments everyday, she's always living in the moment. The hours she's not spending throwing herself into school work she spends in the library with her study group and every Thursday she and her girlfriends always find themselves sitting in the karaoke bar down the street from campus.

A few weeks into classes she gets asked out by this boy Brody who she met in the co-ed showers. She calls Kurt crying because she's not sure what she's doing, she's not ready to move on yet. Kurt reassures her that its not about moving on but about living your life and not putting it on hold for anyone. She doesn't love his advice but she knows he's right.

She runs into Brody a couple days later in Central Park, he's working out when she spots him. She can't lie and say there is no attraction there because there is, he has gorgeous eyes, a charming smile and wonderful arms. It just surprises her when those feelings emerge so unexpectedly. They go out to dinner a couple nights later and she has a great time. Brody is funny and a gentlemen, he pays for dinner and even pulls out her chair for her. And for the first time in a long time she feels romanced like the person really wants to be with her. Its a sobering thought one that she allows to pass so her night isn't ruined.

He kisses on the cheek and says goodnight with a promise to call and set up another date. When she calls Kurt that night to him all the details, she feels light and warm, like things are starting to work out. After two weeks of dating and sharing their first kiss she's starting to feel even more comfortable and at home with New York and the person she is in the city.

Kurt and Blaine decide to come down for the weekend, Kurt called Rachel in tears a couple of days earlier, crying about his relationship with Blaine and how he could feel it falling apart. Especially now with his plans to move to New York are in affect. The three of them spend the day touring the city with plans later that night to double date with Brody. Kurt is practically ecstatic to meet this new boy, who both he and Blaine admittedly gushed over.

When Kurt enters her dorm he's quick to notice how much its changed from when he was here almost a month ago. While her bed hasn't changed the objects lying around have. Gone is the picture of Finn beside her bed, now replaced by one of Rachel and two girls from her class. Her desk and walls are littered with pictures and he smiles when he see's the group shots of the New Directions, especially the one of them as National champs. He notices taped above her laptop is a picture of her and Brody, she's leaning towards him clearly trying to fit into frame as Brody holds the camera out. He demands, as a friendly obligation that she show him what she plans to wear everyday so that he can make changes, he recognizes what she's wearing in the picture and knows its from the first time she and Brody met at the fountain.

It's a cute picture but his focus is pulled to her screensaver which shows Rachel in short white shorts and a flowly yellow top, she's laying flat against his feet in the air, their hands entwined like an airplane. They're both smiling bright but its Rachel's smile that has him smiling sadly, she's happy - happier than she's been in a long time and for the first time in years its not because of Finn.

He's helping her with her make up when there's a knock at the door. Rachel blushes realizing that Brody is a few minutes early, "Come in Brody." she yells from her spot on the chair. When the knocking continues she calls out again, "Brody it's open come in," when the door doesn't open she huff and gets up.

Instead of being met with the reassuring eyes of Brody she instead staring at a chest, a tall muscular chest. Her eyes travel down and land on a pair of worn boots, up to cameo covered legs and then to a face that every night she dreams about.

It takes her a second to recognize the person standing in front of her. he looks bigger, more muscular, his hair is shorter, buzzed around the sides and short on top, but what catches her is how much older his face looks - long gone is that goofy but loveable look of a aloof and is now replaced with a look of hardness and sad eyes.

"Who's Brody," he asks and that's all it takes for her to completely lose it.

Eyes fill with tears and her breathing gets short, she shaking her head and mumbling, 'no, no , no' she takes on last look at him and runs to the bathroom. Kurt's stuck, rooted to his spot. His brother who put the love of his life on a train and then left for the army, was currently standing in his best friends dorm.

The moment is broken when the sound of Rachel's phone goes off. Blaine looks down and sees a text from Brody, he's on his way. Blaine takes it upon himself to message the boy back. He cancels the date with a single message and places the phone down.

—

_That's it for chapter drabble 1_

_Chapter two coming Monday_

_As you can guess I wrote this early August right after those first pictures of Lea and Cory surfaced in New York._

_I know that things are different in the show but I choose to leave what I wrote as I wrote it._


	2. Chapter 2

She's getting better at reading the signs, she can feel Brody pulling away from her. First it was the little things like he would forget to call or not bother to make plans for the weekend, which usually meant she'd sit around waiting for the phone to ring hoping that he'd remember her. At first she thought nothing of it, he met some guys at a party they went to one night and they play a regular game of basketball one or twice a week.

Then the way he touched her stating to change, his hand became slack in her's or sometimes he wouldn't even hold her hand at all. Long gone were their impromptu 'study breaks' - kisses to the check were all she got.

She knows exactly when it started about a week after Finn showed up at her dorm. She'd put off telling him until Finn was gone again because she knew he'd leave and he did. She knew that Brody was upset that she hid it from him but she explained Finn was a part of her past, a past that she didn't want to affect the present - which Brody was a large part of. He seemed okay with it then and for a while things went back to normal, until they weren't any more.

Three months after Kurt moved to New York and they rented and moved into their apartment things shifted again. Santana came along with Kurt and that was fine, familiar even. But then right after New Years Finn showed up again - he was officially discharged from the Army. She should have felt joy but instead was filled with dread.

They had it out one night screaming and crying - he was upset about her dating Brody and even had the nerve to ask if she had slept with him. She didn't utter words just slapped him hard across the face, he was shocked at the force and anger clearly written on her face.

"You have no right to eve ask that." Her face red with anger, "you left me! Not the other way around. You! You left!"

Tears are running down her face and she's exhausted- exhausted from feeling like this, she did what everyone said to do, she moved on.

"What do you want from me Finn?" She's so tired that the question doesn't come out as anything more than that.

"I just want you." Is his reply.

It's sobers Rachel up real quick. "You had me, all of me - ready to marry you and drive off into the sunset together."

She walks away towards her bedroom slamming the door and collapsing on her bed - silent tears is all she allows. She feels her bed dip and suddenly she is pulled tight. it's a new development in their relationship, her and Santana, that she just wordlessly pulls her close and allows the Diva to cry in her arms.

The conversation with Finn should have just ended there but he left from base camp and came straight to New York - he had no place to live. Even though she's mad, she loves him and she can't kick him to the curve - so he's sleeping on the couch until he can afford a place of his own.

She wants to just throw herself into her work but she can't not consciously. With her ex now sleeping on her couch she has no choice but to tell Brody and even introduce them. She knows she's going to pay for it but she waits before she tells Brody. They get into their first real fight in his dorm a few days later - he's upset that she didn't tell him, she understands that - but its the questions that he asks that get her into real trouble.

"Why is he such a big deal for you?" He asks. "I get that he was your first real boyfriend, but Rachel the way you talk about him, especially when we first met. What is it that I'm not getting." He's lost she knows but the truth is going to hurt even more.

She can tell he's getting impatient, he keeps pacing and rubbing his hands together. She always kept one detail from him, she kept it from everyone.

"We weren't just dating." Brody looks confused, "we were engaged." she says slowly.

She's concentrating on her feet so when she doesn't hear a reply from him she looks up and is met with a look of betrayal and anger.

"say something." she pleads

"I don't…I don't even know who you are right now." She gasps at him, it hurt so much when he said that.

She tries to explain but he doesn't want to hear it, instead he just tells her to leave. She doesn't argue, she leaves but instead of going home walks aimlessly around the city for a couple hours and by the time she gets home its past 1am.

She walks in the front door and sees Finn sprawled out on the couch in nothing but his boxers. She sits on the table in front of the couch and watches him sleep, he's restless and murmuring something. Kurt told her that Finn has war dreams or nightmares its common in all solders he explains to her. See can feel how unsettled he is so she moves her fingers lightly through the hair above his forehead and he instantly settles, trying to get closer to her touch.

"I love you, so much Finn." She whispers. "but why did you have to come back." She gets up and goes into her room.

—-

_Short one today._

_More tomorrow._

_Brody and Finn meet for the first time._


	3. Chapter 3

_Part 3: Brody and Finn meet for the first time. Its not Brochel I assure you. Just a little of, you gotta go there to come back, kind of thing. Finchel._

A few days later she gets a call from Brody asking her out for dinner, she's excited and can't stop smiling. If Finn notices he doesn't comment just smiles and tells her to have a good time.

Dinner with Brody is amazing, she was nervous at first but the moment he saw her he kissed her sweetly and entwined their hands, she instantly felt like things were going to go back to normal. After dinner Brody tells her he wants to meet Finn, she's apprehensive but she wants this relationship to work so she agrees.

Only Kurt and Santana are home when they arrive at her apartment but they don't have to wait long before she hears the door open and Finn walking in. He looks exhausted and he's covered in ash - his FDNY t-shirt is sticking to his chest and he's barely dragging his body through the door. She forgot that he was working a double shift tonight, suddenly the whole thing seems like a bad idea. When he first decided to move to New York he had no real plan, he just went with one idea in mind, get Rachel back. After talking to Kurt who told him that Rachel was happy and still dating Brody, he knew he needed a plan.

His buddy from base camp set him up with a job as a fire fighter - at first he thought it was a bad idea but then realized it was his way of being a hero like his father was. It took almost a month of working there before Rachel could look at him in his uniform without having to leave the room.

Finn pauses when he see's the extra face in the kitchen. Before Rachel can even make proper introductions Brody's fist is connecting with Finn's face. So many people scream at once Rachel's unsure of who's actually hurt. Brody is clearly in agony gripping his now broken hand and Finn is barely shaken by the attack.

"Brody what the hell are you doing!?" she yells hysterically and in shock.

"He's the one right?" Brody asks clearly in pain, "He's your guy?" He's trying not to collapse from the pain, he's lucky that the anger of meeting Finn is pumping through his veins.

Rachel's unsure of what is happening but can see how angry Brody is getting by the minute, "yes…it's him. This is Finn." She stutters without meeting Finn's eyes.

"What the hell was that? You said you wanted to meet him, why would you punch him!" Brody ignores her and sets his eyes on Finn who is wiping the blood from his lip with the back of his hand.

"You know for someone in the Army you have terrible reflexes- you didn't even try and stop me." He's being smug now but he doesn't care.

"I saw you coming." Brody just raises his eyebrow. "I didn't see you as a threat." Finn replies calmly, no doubt trying to get a rise out of the boy in front of him. It works, but Santana is quick to intervene and Brody doesn't have the energy to fight her off.

Rachel makes a move to see if his hand is okay but he won't let her touch him, but he does accept the ice pack.

"You know what really sucks," he says looking at Finn, "I meet this amazing girl, whose smart and funny, has this infectious laugh and the most gorgeous voice I've ever heard, but more than that she's mine." He emphasizes by point to his chest. "I know every guy wants to date her, she's confident and so unbelievably sexy - but she's on my arm and she's my girl so I get to feel like the lucky one." Jealousy is clearly written on Finn's face and Brody allows the satisfaction to wash over him.

"I think everything is going great, we have a lot of fun together and things are easy especially because she's all I can ever think about." Rachel blushes, "But then she talks about her ex and the way she describes him I can't help but think what an idiot that guy is for ever letting someone like Rachel go." Finn feels his stomach drop, none of this is new to him, he know's he screwed up.

"But the worst part is she doesn't even hate the guy for putting her on a train and sending her away. She's proud of him for wanting to make a difference in his life - for putting himself at risk for his country." He's quiet for a moment.

"You know she still wears the ring you gave her?" Finn's head snaps up to Rachel's hand that is void of any ring, confused he looks at Rachel who's looking at Brody ashamed that he noticed.

"At first I thought it was a family heirloom, she kept it on a necklace and wore it around her neck - turns out its not. She wears it around her neck so that it lays close to her heart." He says this more to himself as a realization, he gets it now.

"You're still in love I get it." Rachel is quick to cut him off.

"We're not in love, not any more." She can't bring herself to look at Finn when she says it.

Brody just laughs although there is not humor to it, "Rachel you still wear the ring he gave you. And him." Brody turns to point at the ex solider, "he gets discharged from the Army and instead of going to see his parents, the first place he comes is to New York to find you." Rachel's breath catches because he's right - Finn came straight to New York and hasn't mentioned ever going home.

It's quiet again, everyone standing around trying to figure out what to do next. "I'm…I'm sorry." It's Brody who apologizes, turning to Finn. "I shouldn't have punched you, I should have just ended this when I found out she was engaged to someone else. I guess I thought she'f let it go, let you go." Rachel can tell he's embarrassed by the way he acted.

He leaves with another apology to both of them and she doesn't have to ask where they stand because she knows. He won't be someone's second choice, she doesn't blame him.

She doesn't want to meet anyone's eyes, she's far to embarrassed, she just excuses her self. Five minutes later someone knocks on her door, Finn's standing on the other side, she wordlessly tells him to come in.

She sits on her bed, "we need to talk." He whispers softly.

—

_next drabble, Finn and Rachel talk about Finn's time in the Army._


End file.
